Half-eaten chicken nuggets were scattered across the floor of my minivan, and the faint whiff of a diaper lost under a seat somewhere permeated the air. I didn’t notice any of it that day. I stared absently past the dust on the dashboard.

I looked down at my journal. It read: There’s a very real chance that my marriage will end in divorce.

You see, two months prior and almost ten years into what I thought was the perfect marriage, I found out that my husband had betrayed me. It shattered me.

Everything I thought I knew about him and our relationship suddenly felt like a lie. I didn’t even recognize myself. I was confused, sad, and so angry. It felt like I was free-falling through a black hole, and I didn’t even know if it was possible to get to the other side. Or if this—in all my pain and anger—was who I had become.

In the following months and years, I leaned into healing and processing the pain. I joined a support group. My husband and I went to counseling. I honored my anger and put it into words.

Prayer for the man you love that moves you from fixing to surrender. Lay the burden down, trust God with his heart, and watch Him work.

Six years ago, I decided I would stop trying to change my husband. Not because I was giving up on him or us, but because I realized I was trying to bear a weight I was never meant to carry. I knew God wanted more for him and for us, but I was exhausted trying to make it happen on my own.

Whatever you are praying for—Girl, I have been there, and my heart is with you.

I Wanted More for Him

Although my intentions were good, my longing for more for my husband, Marcus, came out entirely sideways. I nagged. I incessantly suggested ways he could improve certain behaviors. I took on a sort of Messiah complex where I tried to fix him. Maybe you can relate to this “fix it” mentality. 

The problem is that when we adopt this mentality over someone else’s problems, our boundaries can sometimes get blurred. What we really need to do is shift our focus from fix and control to surrender and prayer.

What if you struggle with being romantic? Is there a way to overcome this in your marriage? Here are some amazing tips to help you understand this better.

Closing the book, I blinked back tears. It was the fourth marriage book I’d read and once again, I felt excluded from the conversation. Most of what I read made the necessary generalizations about gender to teach important marital concepts, but those generalizations didn’t fit my personality.

I found myself wondering: What’s wrong with me? Am I less of a woman – and less of a wife – because I don’t crave romance?

When You’re Not Romantic

I’m a very practical person. In my marriage, my husband is the romantic one. He’s the kind who brings home flowers, writes poems, and naturally shows affection. I, on the other hand, have to remind myself to be physically affectionate. I don’t find romantic plotlines appealing. I’m not bent toward big shows of emotion. Our departure from the marriage-book “norm” has been a source of disappointment and confusion for us both, but mostly for me.

I haven’t been married very long (almost five years) so I’m grateful I noticed this struggle early on.

Marriage feels like a battle sometimes, but God’s truth, prayer, and forgiveness can bring healing, unity, and strength to your relationship.

Marriage can be one of the most challenging relationships you ever work at. It can also be one of the most rewarding if you are faithful to seek God in every aspect of it. There are seasons it can feel like a real battle.

It’s easy to focus on what needs aren’t being met for us or jump onto a misunderstanding in defense, creating an unnecessary conflict.

Marriage isn’t centered on just one individual—it’s a sacred union where both husband and wife are equally valued, reflecting God’s design for two to become one flesh in mutual love and purpose.

When we look to God’s Word for how we are to live within a marriage, both spouses are given different responsibilities under God that they need to uphold. Following God’s design for marriage creates a unified and sacred partnership. We aren’t meant to fight against each other but for one another.

1. Recognizing the Battle: Understanding the Source

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

When your marriage feels stuck in a rut, take a step back and do a little reassessing so you can do some refreshing.

How is your marriage doing?

Are you struggling, stuck, or bored? Restless or dissatisfied? 

If we are honest, we have all felt these emotions at different times. It’s normal. We are, after all, just two sinful people trying to become one. 

We know that marriage takes work and continual refreshing. But it’s easy to get lazy in marriage and begin to drift apart. We don’t want that to happen. Instead, we must determine to refresh our relationship continually.

I’ve realized several things over again that I need to do to refresh my marriage. Perhaps you can identify. 

1. Realize we have an enemy who is against our marriage.

It was a normal end-of-the-day conversation. John and I were curled up on the couch, talking and laughing. But suddenly, we found ourselves in an argument. Saying ugly things. What had been a pleasant chat had turned dark. It was unexpected, as if a shadow had fallen over us. 

My wise husband recognized what was happening. 

“Susan,” he exclaimed, “this is not us; it’s the enemy who is trying to mess with us, to turn us into arguing and blaming.”

Grabbing my hand, he prayed, “Dear Lord God, we ask for your help right now.

Discover the transformative power of prayer to restore hope, connection, and unity to a stronger marriage.

Living in a difficult marriage can steal your joy. What you once envisioned didn’t quite play out the way you hoped. You are not alone in this, but you may feel isolated because you’re unsure what to do. While some couples seem to mesh seamlessly, that is not the story for everyone. Marriage was created to be a blessing, but sometimes there are struggles you can’t seem to get through. This can put a strain on the whole marriage.

Having conversations doesn’t seem to help and in fact, maybe it makes things worse? Those conversations may turn into full blown conflicts. You feel like you’re at a loss.

What if I told you praying for your marriage can be a powerful tool to bring healing and peace, even in the hardest seasons?

Why Prayer Is Essential for a Struggling Marriage

Prayer invites God into your marriage. He is able to do more for your marriage than both of you on your own. You simply need to go to Him and ask. He can strengthen your bond and open your hearts.

If you need help in your marriage, these books on marriage can offer you some direction. A new perspective can make all the difference.

Now that October has arrived and fall is well underway, we start thinking ahead to the holiday season. Whether holidays are a time you love or a time you survive though, it’s always a season that adds extra stress and tension. Perhaps you feel that in your relationship with your husband around this time of year. 

Tension in your marriage can easily make a hard time of year exponentially more difficult, even if everything else in life is running smoothly. Since a strong marriage is so important, we’ve gathered 5 of our recent favorite marriage books to give your marriage a boost as you partner together to get through the holiday season.

Books That Address EVERYTHING about Marriage – Including the Bedroom

Strengthening your marriage likely means strengthening all aspects of your relationship together—even the most intimate pieces of your relationship. That’s why we love the book Secrets of Sex and Marriage by Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma. They conducted the largest nationally representative study ever conducted with married couples about sex, so you know you can trust their knowledge and guidance.

Feeling tempted to quit your marriage? Learn the struggles couples face and how turning to Jesus brings healing and restoration.

Most of us marry with stars in our eyes and expectations that scrape the Milky Way. But there’s not a spouse on earth who hasn’t experienced harsh unexpected disappointments. 

Have you entertained the thought of quitting your marriage at some level? Like piles of heavy wet snow on power lines and branches, accumulated hurts and disillusionment threaten to snap personal resolve as easily as limbs surrender to the overwhelming weight of winter’s crystals. 

For Dennis and me, our overarching marriage narrative is a wonderful one because it is a tale of redemption. But in those hard places, before the redemption moments came, before it was spring again, we both experienced the pain of disappointment and loss. I wondered if we’d ever see beauty once more, or if we’d have to settle for a long winter.

The Temptation to Quit

I wanted to quit my marriage—not end it entirely, but I wanted to stop trying so hard in the cold heavy parts of our relationship. I felt, “This is too hard, we aren’t getting anywhere.” 

I’ve been tempted, and these are real temptations from the enemy of our souls, to … 

• quit sex;
• quit working so hard to understand and be understood;
• quit serving and giving myself;
• quit biting my tongue and watching my words;
• quit trying and settle into détente.

Sometimes we want to hold on to being right, not really thinking about the cost. But forgiveness in marriage offers a freedom pride never could.

I replayed the conversation in my mind over and over again. I listened to the words, the responses, dissected the motives and tone and made mental tally marks for each and every one. The more I listened to the replay the more I became convinced I was right.

What Do I Gain?

This blow-up, this minor marriage disagreement that turned hot quickly and left us both feeling the dissonance of disconnection, was clearly not my fault. I was convinced of it.

My competitive side teams with all of my flesh to let me know that I have won this one. But somehow it doesn’t feel like winning at all. It feels broken and lonely. The foundation feels shaky.  Grey clouds cover my world, shadowing everything when my most vital earthly relationship is off balance.

Try as I may, I cannot convince myself I have won anything.

Because I haven’t. I know better.

If you, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?

Do you ever get “stuck” in conversations during date nights with your spouse? You need some date night questions to get to know each other at a deeper level.

Everyone has a story … a fascinating tale involving adventure, laughter, courage, pain, and romance.

You have such a story, and so does your spouse. Sometimes you just need the right questions to help you share your stories, as well as write together the intriguing saga of your shared life in marriage.

For example, how would you answer the following question:

If you could keep only one memory from your childhood, what would it be, and why?

A question like this may unwind a long spool of memories … of trips you took as a family … of holidays with cherished loved ones who may have passed on years ago … of younger versions of your parents and your siblings … of adventures you enjoyed with childhood friends … and so much more.

And then think of answering a question like this on a date with your spouse, sharing memories you haven’t thought about for years, and then hearing his or her own answer.