{"id":24851,"date":"2025-06-10T18:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-06-11T01:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/club31women.com\/?p=24851"},"modified":"2025-06-10T12:51:51","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T19:51:51","slug":"emotional-intimacy-not-naturally-romantic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/club31women.com\/emotional-intimacy-not-naturally-romantic\/","title":{"rendered":"Emotional Intimacy When You\u2019re Not Naturally Romantic"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What if you struggle with being romantic? Is there a way to overcome this in your marriage? Here are some amazing tips to help you understand this better.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Closing the book, I blinked back tears. It was the fourth marriage book I\u2019d read and once again, I felt excluded from the conversation. Most of what I read made the necessary generalizations about gender to teach important marital concepts, but those generalizations didn\u2019t fit my personality.<\/p>\n

I found myself wondering: What\u2019s wrong with me? Am I less of a woman \u2013 and less of a wife \u2013 because I don\u2019t crave romance?<\/em><\/p>\n

When You’re Not Romantic<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m a very practical person. In my marriage, my husband is the romantic one. He\u2019s the kind who brings home flowers, writes poems, and naturally shows affection. I, on the other hand, have to remind myself to be physically affectionate. I don\u2019t find romantic plotlines appealing. I\u2019m not bent toward big shows of emotion. Our departure from the marriage-book \u201cnorm\u201d has been a source of disappointment and confusion for us both, but mostly for me.<\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t been married very long (almost five years) so I\u2019m grateful I noticed this struggle early on. Through godly mentorship, prayer, and marriage books that speak to ALL types of individuals and relationships, the emotional intimacy in my marriage has greatly improved! But there were several things that had to happen for me to get here. I\u2019m now much more comfortable both initiating and responding to romantic gestures. If you\u2019re a woman who also struggles in this area, here are a few things that helped me cultivate emotional intimacy when it didn\u2019t come naturally.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Acknowledge any fears \u2013 especially fear of intimacy.<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Through my first year of marriage, I had a strong (and very negative) gut-level reaction to public displays of affection. I didn\u2019t know why. I just knew I was not comfortable with romantic gestures, particularly in front of other people. Many hurt feelings later, I started researching the root cause of this aversion. I discovered that people who resent physical touch often struggle with a fear of intimacy. <\/em>Their fear of rejection is so woven into their personality, they avoid affection completely. It\u2019s a defense mechanism.<\/p>\n

    Learning this was hard, but it gave me a starting point. I asked strong, godly women to pray over me and began praying to be free from this fear. I talked to my husband about it. Working through my fears helped me accept my husband\u2019s romance without feeling threatened, inadequate, or pressured by it. Communicating my story to him gave him clarity of perspective. Our relationship grew in grace and I grew in confidence.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \n

      Pay attention to his efforts.<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      As I worked through my fear of intimacy (which is a continual journey), I started paying closer attention to my husband\u2019s romantic efforts. Too often, we assign motives to our husbands\u2019 actions \u2013 motives that might not even be real! Instead of deciding \u201cwhat he was thinking\u201d when he gave me flowers or hugged me, I now try to see them as gestures of his friendship. Romance helps him feel connected to me; like we have something special. And though I would feel just as special working on a household task together, paying attention to his efforts adds value to him. <\/em>I\u2019m learning to speak his love language and recognize when he\u2019s talking without words.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. \n

        Understand that emotion is not a sign of weakness.<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        This is perhaps the biggest learning curve for those who aren\u2019t romantically inclined. If you\u2019re not an emotional person, seeing someone get emotional can be embarrassing. It can even be perceived as a lack of self-control. But emotions themselves are not sinful. You can be emotional, yet not dictated <\/em>by emotion. A strong person can express emotion without being controlled by it.<\/p>\n

        Avoiding emotion altogether does not make someone strong. It actually takes a measure of strength to embrace emotion, particularly romantic affection. In marriage, emotion requires vulnerability and intimacy<\/a>. Godly self-expression to our spouses is not a sign of weakness; it\u2019s a sign of trust.<\/p>\n

        If you\u2019re anything like me, this will be a journey for you. Learning to face fear, acknowledge efforts that don\u2019t look like our love languages, and express emotion are all very challenging. As I pressed into the challenge, I was reminded of how I love to be challenged in other areas of my life. I love to be productive and create beautiful things. Why not use romance to productively beautify my marriage \u2013 even when it doesn\u2019t come naturally?<\/p>\n

        This post may\u00a0contain affiliate links through which\u00a0Club31Women might get a small compensation \u2013 with no additional cost to you. \u00a0See my disclosure policy here.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

        For further reading:<\/h3>\n

        100 Ways to Love Your Husband<\/a> by Lisa Jacobson<\/p>\n

        The Flirtation Experiment<\/a> by Lisa Jacobson & Phylicia Masonheimer<\/p>\n

        Love and Sex<\/a> by Nancy Houston<\/p>\n

        \u00a0<\/p>\n

        In Him,<\/p>\n

        Phylicia, phyliciamasonheimer.com<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        What if you struggle with being romantic? Is there a way to overcome this in your marriage? Here are some amazing tips to help you understand this better. Closing the book, I blinked back tears. It was the fourth marriage book I\u2019d read and once again, I felt excluded from the conversation. Most of what…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":88949,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"coauthors":[996],"class_list":["post-24851","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\nEmotional Intimacy When You\u2019re Not Naturally Romantic - Club31Women<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you struggle with being romantic? 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