{"id":86345,"date":"2024-01-31T05:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-01-31T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/club31women.com\/?p=86345"},"modified":"2024-01-31T06:10:09","modified_gmt":"2024-01-31T14:10:09","slug":"10-things-you-need-to-know-before-you-get-married","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/club31women.com\/10-things-you-need-to-know-before-you-get-married\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Things You Need To Know Before You Get Married"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Getting married is a huge decision. There are some things you should know before you get married and commit your life to another.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This summer I have several young friends getting married.\u00a0 Mostly millennials, these young women have been asking me for advice. I must seem terribly old to them, but it almost feels like yesterday when I, too, was walking down the aisle. I had no idea what was ahead and how much I would learn. As we approach our 55th anniversary this coming summer, I guess I have learned a few things\u2014things I wish somebody had told me before I got married.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

10 Things to Understand Before You Get Married<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

1. Marriage is like a 2000-piece crossword puzzle<\/strong>

Don\u2019t be in a hurry to get it all figured out in the first year. God is the artist of your marriage. He has the final picture in mind and He is not in a hurry for you to get it all put together.\u00a0 He is FOR your marriage. So relax and enjoy the putting together of this complicated gift.\u00a0 You won\u2019t really<\/em> ever get it all figured out. But you will enjoy the journey!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2.<\/strong> Your husband will never be able to meet all of your needs<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not his job to make sure you are always happy. Of course, he wants you to be happy but you must not rely on him to keep you happy. Too often we look to our husbands to meet needs that would be better met by going to God first and then to female friends. No man can love you as much as you want to be loved. Only God can. If you run to Him first, your marriage will be enriched.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3.\u00a0 Your husband is selfish. So are you<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may be shocked when marriage reveals to you in a new way how selfish you are.\u00a0 When we are single we can focus more on ourselves. But now there\u2019s someone else we are called to serve first<\/em>. We will blow it over and over again. Be quick to ask forgiveness. You won\u2019t feel like it and you will want to justify yourself.

I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve had to go to John (and my kids) and say, \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have said or done what I did and I need to ask you to forgive me.\u201d I can\u2019t remember a single time I felt<\/em> like doing this. We go out of obedience and conviction, not out of feeling. It takes time for feelings to be healed and trust restored. But it begins with asking for and granting forgiveness.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. You still need girlfriends<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pray for God to give you 1 or 2 \u201csoul sisters\u201d with whom you can share your heart. And seek out an older woman who can mentor you. One of the main prayers I pray for my 5 daughters is that God will give each of them an older mentor who loves Christ and will love them. Each of us needs someone who has \u201cbeen there.\u201d Make sure that your closest girlfriends are women who will push you to the Lord and towards your husband. Avoid hanging out with women who \u201cbash\u201d husbands. Once when I was angry with John and venting to a \u201csoul sister,\u201d she listened, empathized, and then asked me, \u201cSusan what are you<\/em> doing to move closer to John?\u201d That\u2019s a good friend. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Let him go play with the boys<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And let him have his man cave. Don\u2019t take it personally. It isn\u2019t about you. He needs time alone! And he needs time with guy friends. They fill him in ways that you can\u2019t. It is good for him to cultivate hobbies apart from you. A man with good guy friends and lots of interests is a happier man and a better spouse because of it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. You are more different than you think<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you learn your differences, make them work for you rather than pulling you apart. You both have weaknesses and strengths, and different gifts. These differences can irritate. But as you get to know one another, decide to figure out how to work your differences together to make you both stronger. Take care to compliment one another instead of competing with one another. Believe in your spouse\u2019s ability to change and grow and encourage him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

7. A man views sex differently than a woman.  <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Generally speaking, his appetite for sex will be much greater than yours. We are made so differently. Men are usually turned on by sight whereas women are turned on by touch. Women can take longer to \u201cget in the mood.\u201d\u00a0 We are similar to a crock pot- slow to warm up. Men are more like a microwave. Quickly turned on!\u00a0 We like atmosphere–candles, music, etc. And we can be easily distracted. For men it\u2019s more- anytime any place<\/em>-\u201cI\u2019m not distracted!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember that sex can be a comfort to a man. If he\u2019s had a bad day, been rejected, or is discouraged, initiate sex with him. It builds him up. If we have an argument with a friend or get a bad job review we\u2019d rather him curl up with us, put his arms around us, and tell us it will be ok. And just listen. We are so different! But God made us this way. It helps to view sex as a 20-year warm-up! It gets better and better with age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. Keep time alone with God your first priority<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matthew 6:33 says, \u201cSeek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things<\/em> (marriage, etc.) will be added unto it.\u201d<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The best way to build a strong marriage is to make sure you have time alone with God each day to study His word and to pray.\u00a0 Pray for your husband: for God to put other strong believers in his life, for him to hunger for God\u2019s word, for his colleagues, for his decisions, for protection from temptation, etc.\u00a0 God\u2019s word is clear that believers are to marry believers. (2 Corinthians 6:14). If you are not both believers with a hunger to grow it is either the wrong man or the wrong time to get married.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9.<\/strong> You have married His family<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They are now yours too. She\u2019s not just his<\/em> mother; she\u2019s yours too. Reach out to her. Communicate with her. Do whatever you can to build a friendship with her. Be patient. It will take time. The first couple of years may be awkward but persist. Talking turns with holidays can be really hard. But you now have 2 families. It will be hard on your own family too! You and your husband should be united in nurturing your relationships with both families. We are called to honor our parents but we are called first to our spouse. You two need to be on the same team. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

 10. Delete the \u201cd\u201d word.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Divorce. Don\u2019t allow the thought: Well, if this doesn\u2019t work out then\u2026 or maybe we made a mistake<\/em>, into your thoughts or talks. You are married, period. In our first year of marriage, I burst into tears and said to John, \u201cWell maybe we never should have gotten married in the first place.\u201d My even-tempered husband got mad. \u201cSusan, don\u2019t you ever, ever say that again. We are married period. And we will work out this argument and future ones. Our marriage is not to be questioned.\u201d With those words, he gave me security. And I\u2019ve never said them again!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***************************<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For 20 years John and I had the privilege of speaking on marriage retreats for Family Life. (familylife.com) We highly recommend their \u201cWeekend to Remember\u201d to you. We have also sponsored all five of our kids and spouses to one. We made attending one part of their \u201cwedding package\u201d and suggested they go sometime during the first 2 years of marriage. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Getting married is a huge decision. There are some things you should know before you get married and commit your life to another. This summer I have several young friends getting married.\u00a0 Mostly millennials, these young women have been asking me for advice. 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